Reasons why we should freak out about the giant crack that opened in the Mexico desert

Why no one should freak out about the giant crack that opened in the Mexico desert – The Washington Post.

Correction: Why everyone should freak out about the giant crack that opened in the Mexico desert…

1. “These are normal manifestations of the destabilization of the ground.” Wrong. Seismic activity, which the article implies we should be freaked out about, is normal, although maybe not at this location. A giant crack caused by over-extraction of ground water by humans is decidedly not normal.
2. The soundtrack accompanying the video suggests we should freak out! It is also suggestive of a sophisticated porn and sci-fi mashup.
3. A crack this large can only mean one thing. There’s an undiscovered giant thong* out there somewhere.
4. Joshua Partlow, scavenging for more words to describe the settlement of earth, chose “large maw”.  This was no casual reach for a thesaurus. Prediction: Mexico will soon take a large bite out of Arizona. (Please spare Bisbee.)

*I wrote a little ditty about visiting London which I would sing to the boy, including the lyric, “But they don’t where any great big thong.” Hey, it rhymes with “whole day long.”